Gambling is easy if you have a good system. Unfortunately, most people's systems are hot garbage. That's because there's really only one way to consistently beat the house, whether at poker, craps, slots, or any other game of chance. Read on to learn my can't-fail approach to scoring huge payouts every time you play.
Like gambling? Lots of other broke people do, too!
People gamble for a lot of different purposes. But here are the most common excuses gamblers give their estranged loved ones for not giving it up:
- Entertainment: Many gamble for the sheer enjoyment. And the cool leg-cast they get after racking up huge debts.
- Socialization: Gambling with friends or family can strengthen bonds or make future get-togethers tense and awkward.
- Form of Escape: Some people use gambling to escape the stresses and pressures of being a responsible adult.
- Financial Gain: Money is a big motivator for gamblers who are down on their luck, but not desperate enough to join Scientology.
- Skill and Strategy: Poker and sports betting involve enough skill and strategy that people believe it won't destroy their family.
- Adrenaline Rush: Gambling releases adrenaline, which creates excitement that often ends in a heart attack.
- Tradition and Culture: Games of chance are deeply ingrained in some societies, like curses, child marriage, and ritual sacrifice.
- Psychological Addiction: Some people can't stop themselves from gambling. And they're the unsung heroes of the casino industry.
Regardless of what compels you to risk your life savings and the love of your family, gambling is at its most fun when you win. But winning isn't always guaranteed.
In fact, a lot of people will tell you that “the house always wins,” as if that would dissuade someone like you from gambling away your child's college fund. No, what you need is a no-miss strategy for winning, and winning big every time. And that's where I can help.
Don't risk real money, use fake money instead.
First, why gamble with real U.S. dollars? You can use that stuff to actually buy things! Gamble with any cryptocurrencies instead, now, while you can. That stuff is going to be worthless before you know it. #ponzischeme
Many online gambling platforms accept “cryptocurrencies”—i.e., fake money—as a form of payment. What kind of gambling platforms, you ask? Well, here are some types of establishments where they'll take your cryptocurrency:
- Online Casinos: These accept cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and other fictitious financial instruments for deposits, withdrawals, and illegal drug purchases.
- Sports Betting Sites: Cryptocurrencies are ideal for betting on the Jets to win, due to their higher level of anonymity.
- Poker Sites: Online poker is less intimidating to players who are new to getting fleeced by strangers and 'bots.
- Dice Games: Dungeons & Dragons, roulette, and other dice games let you throw a virtual die programmed to beat you.
- Crypto Exchanges: Some have expanded their services to include gaming before either going bankrupt or straight to jail.
Always exercise caution when using faux money to gamble. Many people still take Bitcoin and Ethereum seriously. They clearly don't understand that about 10,000 people own a third of the available Bitcoin. And that, for them to get that money out of Bitcoin, they have to sucker other people—like you—into buying Bitcoin. Without more boneheads buying in, the Bitcoin-barons can't get their wealth out.
If you have a gambling problem, seriously, seek help.
Gambling can be dangerous, both to your bank account and to your kneecaps. So it's essential to be conscious of the risks involved. Responsible gambling involves setting limits, being aware of one's motivations, and seeking help if gambling becomes problematic. If your spouse left you, your kids disowned you, and you live in a seedy motel in Las Vegas, you should probably seek professional help. Now, that all being said, here's how you can win at any game, every time.
How to take the chance out of “games of chance.”
There's only one proven way to consistently win at games like poker, roulette, craps, blackjack, slots, and keno. And that way is cheating. Still, a lot of cheaters get caught, right? So, how do you cheat without getting caught? Simple, you use time-travel.
That's right, time-travel. Now, obviously, traveling back in time to, say, stop yourself from hitting on 20 in Blackjack would be physically impossible. But traveling forward in time to, for instance, learn who'll win the trifecta at Churchill Downs is far more doable.
All you need is a time-machine capable of forming closed loops in spacetime.
- Knowledge of the Future: With foreknowledge of events and outcomes, you could know when to fold early (and preserve your stash). Or go all-in and clean everybody else out.
- Changing the Future: Alternatively, you could alter events in the future—i.e., changing dice rolls, card selection, or bets made by other players—to improve your odds of buying a mansion in Bel Air and a couple of Bugatti Veyrons.
- Communication with Your Future Self: Communicating with your future self could give you critical information about upcoming cards, dice rolls, horse races, and political assassinations.
Gambling rules aren't like laws you have to obey.
Of course, however you decide to cheat, it's always advisable to gamble with the same integrity and ethical principles that casinos themselves exhibit. And, if you do manage to procure a time-machine, don't cheat a lot. That way, you help maintain the casino's air of fair play and sportsmanship. I mean, if the casinos all go out of business, where are you going to play?