When writing my CrosbyReports, the travel destinations themselves are of little importance. In fact, to be perfectly honest, they’re almost beside the point. They’re nothing more than a subject or topic around which to make stupid jokes. So if you’re expecting to learn something useful about travel destinations like Lisbon, the Sahara, or Tahiti, you’ll be sorely disappointed. My apologies.
Turkey’s Cappadocia region would be the perfect place to trip on ’shrooms.
Do you like deserts and phalli, but can’t afford to attend Burning Man?
The megacity of Istanbul borders on Europe, Asia, and the inexplicable.
There’s no way to explain the scale of Istanbul, Turkey without making the city feel bad about its weight.
It’s hard to believe Petra still exists, considering that the place is basically water-soluble.
The sandstone city of Petra would’ve washed away if it had rained for any length of time in the last two millennia.
Jordan’s Wadi Rum is like visiting Mars without being the billionaire CEO of a rocket company.
Why visit the Red Planet when you can experience all its inhospitality and desolation right here on Earth?
Israel’s Masada would make an amazing Airbnb if its last occupants hadn’t trashed the place.
If there’s one thing I know for certain, the Ancient Romans aren’t getting their security deposit back.
Everything you were told about Bethlehem as a kid was a lie.
Bethlehem is nothing like the place they told you about in the Bible.
Jerusalem may be popular with Christians, but Jesus probably hated the godforsaken place.
People have been returning to Jerusalem for almost 2,000 years, but why would Jesus ever go back?
The Holy Land inspired three bestselling books that have more devoted fans than Harry Potter.
Visit the only place that’s a more popular backdrop for blockbuster books than Hogwarts.
The visions people had in Jaffa were inspired by either religious fervor or a ton of opiates.
St. Peter had a vision in Jaffa that changed Christianity forever. Or was he just high?
Tel Aviv is located in the Holy Land yet, weirdly, it’s never once mentioned in the Bible.
Find out why ancient religious authors entirely passed on writing about Tel Aviv, Israel.
Positano Italy is so superficially attractive, I can’t believe it hasn’t leaked a sex tape.
Positano is the Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian of Italy’s Amalfi Coast. Good-looking, but light on substance.
Amalfi Italy was once a major port, so some lazy Italians named the entire coast after it.
At the mouth of a deep ravine, Amalfi Italy looks like it got vomited out of the surrounding mountains.
