Everything you ever wanted to know about Peter Crosby, but really didn’t.

Ugh, do we have to do this? Okay, let’s just get it over with.

Peter Crosby pondering what to have for lunch. Korean tacos? Tikka Masala pizza?

Peter Crosby is a man of diverse skills and confusing interests. Not only is he a Creative Consultant, he’s also a world traveler, landscape photographer, computer nerd, half-assed editorial cartoonist, middling trumpet-player, pseudo-super-taster, and budget oenophile.

Peter Crosby’s early years.

I collected comic books as a kid. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

Born fifth, the youngest son of a typical suburban family, Peter Crosby spent his early childhood like many American kids — reading comic books and watching network television sitcoms. This intellectually bankrupt upbringing led to social dysfunction and a lack of achievement, despite being constantly reminded of his “above-average intelligence” by motivation-killing teachers (“Peter’s obviously bright, he just doesn’t apply himself to our pointless exercises and tedious busy-work”). Peter Crosby’s anemic academic record was a testament to both his boredom with traditional education methodology and his sugary cereal-fueled hyperactivity.

Peter Crosby takes full responsibility for everything about him that can’t be reasonably blamed on his parents.

The early signs of success.

This bank is, perhaps, my proudest achievement in life. Is that sad?

Luckily, there were some bright spots during his school years. In the sixth grade, Peter Crosby drew the best Snoopy® in his elementary school and subsequently won a ceramic Linus® piggy bank (now a priceless collector’s item).

After decades spent unsuccessfully attempting to surpass that achievement, Peter gave up trying to do anything meaningful with his life and went into advertising. Because that’s what people do when they have no other marketable skills.

The end of innocence.

Not an actual advertising award, though it should be.

As an advertising professional for 30+ years, Peter Crosby has exceeded the legal limit of success for a person of his highly questionable talent and/or skills. It’s why he lives in constant fear that his beautiful spouse and worldly possessions will be repossessed at any moment by a Washington bureaucrat and his gloating High School guidance counselor. (“See? I told you that you’d never amount to anything, Mr. Crosby!”)

The mind of Peter Crosby.

As for Peter’s personal interests, he includes among them watching any British Comedy or Matt Groening TV show, whining about petty annoyances online, and using his many computers to express his writing, music, and digital penchants, as well as to alienate his aforementioned beautiful wife.

For fun, Peter Crosby likes to travel with said spouse and write long-winded articles about his trips, primarily for Peter Crosby’s own golden-year recollections, but also for the vast sea of bored English-reading citizens in the world who should seriously think about getting outside more.

Want to know more?

No, you’re nosy. Go away.