Europe is one of those weird places where everything is super-old, yet they have high-speed internet everywhere. As the birthplace of the Roman, British, Spanish, Portuguese, and German Empires, Europe has been the cause of—or at least, was at the center of—many major wars. As a result, Europe is known for its rich history of imperialism, cultural bigotry, and human atrocities. On the plus side, Europe has many of the world’s most famous landmarks, such as the Eiffel Tower, the Colosseum, and Big Ben. The continent is also popular for its wide variety of culinary deliciousness, except for Britain—their food sucks.
Seville Spain was built on stolen gold and, from the looks of the place, a shipload of it.
Seville was a dumping ground for all the gold Conquistadors pillaged from Aztecs, Mayans, Incas, and anyone else in South America who wasn’t Catholic.
Afraid of heights? Ronda Spain will give you lots to talk about with your therapist.
Do you get nervous on elevators and balconies? Then you’re not going to love Ronda Spain.
Of Spain’s many exceptional towns and cities, Madrid is the most tragically ordinary.
In any other country, Madrid would be a must-see city. But in Spain, it’s just a meh one.
Prague: Where people hate expensive beer almost as much as Communism.
Since throwing off the yolk of authoritarianism, the Czechs have been disinclined to pass restrictive laws so what more reason do you need to go?
Vienna Austria: Birthplace of Sigmund Freud and penis—wait…I mean, psychoanalysis!
That was just a slip of the tongue, I swear, Mom! I mean, MAN! No, wait! Can I start over?!?
Budapest Hungary: The place to party in 2896 (mark your calendar now).
When a nation spends almost its entire GNP on a single soiree, you really want to get on that invitation list.
Munich Germany is home to high-tech business and even higher-octane beer.
This Bavarian city is so delightful you almost forget that it’s where Hitler got his start.
Edinburgh, Scotland: A city of culture, arts, science, and god&@#^! bagpipes.
Seriously, what the hell were the Scottish thinking when they invented those damn noise-makers?
Reading, England: It’s close to a lot of other, better places to visit.
Not to be confused with Redding, California, which is not a great destination, either.
Santorini is so stunningly beautiful, it makes Crete look like garbage.
After showing us Athens, our friends took us to Santorini and Crete just to watch our heads explode.
Athens, Greece: The birthplace of democracy, drama, and doric columns.
After art college, I was psyched when friends invited us to visit their relatives in Greece.
Paris France reconsidered (albeit briefly).
We gave Paris another chance to not suck, and it didn’t at all.
