Phuket: It’s called ‘poo-KET,’ not FOO-ket (and definitely not ‘FUK-it’).

We’d heard that Phuket was popular. Despite that, we decided to go there anyway.

Bangkok: A lot fewer prostitutes and ladyboys than we expected.

We expected Bangkok to be a vile den of unspeakable horrors and human degradation, I mean, why else go there?

Bali, Indonesia: Newsflash, it’s beautiful.

To state the obvious so we can move on: Yes, Bali is unquestionably beautiful. Yes, yes, hells yes. What did you expect me to say? I mean, it’s freaking Bali.

Beijing, China: San Francisco’s Chinatown doesn’t hold a candle to it.

I had no idea how many Chinese you could fit in one city. (Hint: a lot.)

Kuala Lumpur: Tropical heat. Tons of monkeys. What more could you want?

While we were “in the area,” we hopped over to the neighboring country of Malaysia for our second week of vacation. We didn’t really know much about the place before we visited (sadly, a common theme for most of our trips), but we knew we wanted to be able to tell people that we’d been to Kuala Lumpur.