Phuket: It’s called ‘poo-KET,’ not FOO-ket (and definitely not ‘FUK-it’).

We’d heard that Phuket was popular. Despite that, we decided to go there anyway.

Bangkok: A lot fewer prostitutes and lady-boys than we expected.

We expected Bangkok to be a vile den of unspeakable horrors and human degradation, I mean, why else go there?

Bali, Indonesia: Newsflash, it’s beautiful.

To state the obvious so we can move on: Yes, Bali is unquestionably beautiful. Yes, yes, hells yes. What did you expect me to say? I mean, it’s freaking Bali.

Beijing, China: San Francisco’s Chinatown doesn’t hold a candle to it.

I had no idea how many Chinese you could fit in one city. (Hint: a lot.)

Kuala Lumpur: Tropical heat. Tons of monkeys. What more could you want?

We wanted to be able to tell people that we’d been to Kuala Lumpur. Check!