Do I look crazy enough to go to Antarctica? I mean, willingly?

What do I do look like, a crazy person? Yeah, that’s not happening. Ever. Forget about it.
birds eye view of the grey glacier in the torres del paine national park
Photo by Claudio Mota

Seriously, I am never going to , or the South Pole, if you're under 13. What do I do look like? A crazy person? Come on, I've seen the IMAX movie about Antarctica and, while the area certainly looks spectacular, it's also freaking freezing as sh*t—I'm talking like Alaska during the cold.

Antarctica is not fit for human habitation.

Oh, and I think Antarctica's the place with leopard seals, aka “adorable killing machines,” right? They're one of the few animals that sees humans as . So, yeah, forgive me if I don't want to wander around a place populated by man-eating leopard seals, .

Nope, that's not happening. Ever. Forget about it. You can go to the South Pole, but I will go somewhere warm with a , like…I don't know, Bali, Tahiti, or Bora Bora.

Feel free to write me from Antarctica and send a postcard (while you're still breathing).

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