When writing my CrosbyReports, the travel destinations themselves are of little importance. In fact, to be perfectly honest, they’re almost beside the point. They’re nothing more than a subject or topic around which to make stupid jokes. So if you’re expecting to learn something useful about travel destinations like Lisbon, the Sahara, or Tahiti, you’ll be sorely disappointed. My apologies.
Belize: It’s like a giant saltwater aquarium that isn’t all full of fish poop.
People don’t come to Belize for white sandy beaches. They come for what most islands don’t have: an epic, ocean-taming barrier reef.
Guerneville, CA: Get away from everything (including cell coverage).
Not every vacation we plan is to an exotic destination. Sometimes, we just want to go someplace close and quiet.
Barcelona Spain reminds me of San Diego, only with arts and culture.
Like hot, dry weather, and tiny plates of ham? Then you’ll love Barcelona.
Seville Spain was built on stolen gold and, from the looks of the place, a shipload of it.
Seville was a dumping ground for all the gold Conquistadors pillaged from Aztecs, Mayans, Incas, and anyone else in South America who wasn’t Catholic.
Afraid of heights? Ronda Spain will give you lots to talk about with your therapist.
Do you get nervous on elevators and balconies? Then you’re not going to love Ronda Spain.
Of Spain’s many exceptional towns and cities, Madrid is the most tragically ordinary.
In any other country, Madrid would be a must-see city. But in Spain, it’s just a meh one.
Seattle: It’s not always rainy, miserable, and bleak (or so they tell me).
Seattle is famous for its horrible weather, so it’s no surprise that I don’t live there and never will.
Napa Valley: Where classy people overpay to get plastered.
The Napa Valley is full of beautiful places to get stinking drunk.
Seoul Korea: The city where smartphones never sleep.
Once in a while, I get the chance to go somewhere far away for a stupid length of time, and Seoul recently made that list.
Prague: Where people hate expensive beer almost as much as Communism.
Since throwing off the yolk of authoritarianism, the Czechs have been disinclined to pass restrictive laws so what more reason do you need to go?
Vienna Austria: Birthplace of Sigmund Freud and penis—wait…I mean, psychoanalysis!
That was just a slip of the tongue, I swear, Mom! I mean, MAN! No, wait! Can I start over?!?
Budapest Hungary: The place to party in 2896 (mark your calendar now).
When a nation spends almost its entire GNP on a single soiree, you really want to get on that invitation list.
