While researching Pompeii, I stumbled upon a photo of “Pompeii’s unluckiest guy” on CNN, and he inspired the following skit.
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It’s now five years later, and a lot has changed in technology and the world.
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When writing my CrosbyReports, the travel destinations themselves are of no importance. In fact, to be perfectly honest, they’re almost beside the point. They’re nothing more than a subject or topic around which to make stupid jokes. So if you’re expecting to learn something useful about travel destinations like Lisbon, the Sahara, or Tahiti, you will be sorely disappointed. My apologies.
Jordan’s Wadi Rum is like visiting Mars without being the billionaire CEO of a rocket company.
Why visit the Red Planet when you can experience all its inhospitality and desolation right here on Earth?
Israel’s Masada would make an amazing Airbnb if its last occupants hadn’t trashed the place.
The Ancient Romans aren’t getting their security deposit back.
Everything you were told about Bethlehem as a kid was a lie.
Bethlehem is nothing like the place they told you about in the Bible.
Jerusalem may be popular with Christians, but Jesus probably hated the godforsaken place.
People have been returning to Jerusalem for almost 2,000 years, but why would Jesus ever go back?
The Holy Land inspired three bestselling books that have more devoted fans than Harry Potter.
Visit the only place that’s a more popular backdrop for blockbuster books than Hogwarts.
The visions people had in Jaffa were inspired by either religious fervor or a ton of opiates.
St. Peter had a vision in Jaffa that changed Christianity forever. Or was he just high?
Tel Aviv is located in the Holy Land yet, weirdly, it’s never once mentioned in the Bible.
Find out why ancient religious authors entirely passed on writing about Tel Aviv, Israel.
Positano Italy is so superficially attractive, I can’t believe it hasn’t leaked a sex tape.
Positano is the Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian of Italy’s Amalfi Coast. Good-looking, but light on substance.
Amalfi Italy was once a major port, so some lazy Italians named the entire coast after it.
At the mouth of a deep ravine, Amalfi Italy looks like it got vomited out of the surrounding mountains.
The towns along Italy’s Amalfi Coast were clearly built by human/mountain goat hybrids.
This part of central Italy is an unbelievably beautiful and incredibly stupid place to live.
It only took a global pandemic for me to catch up on my backlog of writing.
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I’ll be honest: I didn’t know Anthony Bourdain was a chef.
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We gave Paris another chance to not suck, and it didn’t at all.
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Perspectives you won’t get from
The CrosbyReport is a satirical take on travel by internationally unknown tourist, Peter Crosby.
Read the latest CrosbyReports.
Jamaica: Land of sun, fun and Cohibas.
We visit a Caribbean paradise and like it. Mostly.
Oahu Hawai‘i: “All expenses paid trip” turns out to be Advertising Club ruse.
When the chance for a free trip to Oahu presented itself, I pounced like a hungry cheetah on a weakened caribou.
Miami and Key West: Our virgin visit.
We drive down to Miami and Key West for the hell of it.
San Francisco California: I’m now totally bi (coastal, that is).
I just flew back from a wild weekend in California. And boy, are my arms tired.
Don’t be fooled, this only looks like a travel blog.
Yet the CrosbyReport is not another damn travel blog. A recent Google search for “travel blog” returned 3.6 billion results—yeah, with a B. That’s how many unemployed English Lit majors and failed romance novelists have already posted self-indulgent travelogues about café-hopping through Western Europe.
But, what you can’t easily Google (because I’m not great at Search Engine Optimization) is my singular—and wholly unsolicited—perspective on the world’s top tourist destinations. For that, you have to read my travel reports, join the CrosbyReport mailing list, or stop by my house, which is currently in no condition to accept visitors.
The CrosbyReport is a humor blog (about travel).
Why did I choose travel, you ask? Frankly, the hardest part of my writing is coming up with topics to write about. And since travel is something my wife forces me to do with shocking regularity, it gives me a steady stream of unexpected encounters, awkward interactions, and embarrassing indiscretions—enough to even write a freakin’ book.
International travel is, in a word, “comedy gold.”
After all, what other experience forcibly interjects you into the lives of strangers who speak a different language, have different customs and values, and really don’t want you around? I mean, besides an open-mic standup set at a Chinatown laundromat.
Don’t take my word for it, read the CrosbyReport yourself.
Hey, if you don’t find my travel reports at least mildly amusing, let me know on Mastodon, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, and I’ll sulk around for days, maybe longer—that’s my solemn promise to you.*
*Guarantee not valid anywhere capable of supporting human life or lawyers.