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Tag: humor

I get pestered all the time by people frequently asking the same basic questions about the CrosbyReport, my Occasional Email Newsletter Thing. So I thought I’d nip those oft asked queries in the proverbial bud by writing frequently given answers to those very same frequently asked questions.

The top ten CrosbyReport™ FAQs.

What exactly would I be signing up for?

Every month or so, you’ll get an email that may or may not be about something. Often, it is about nothing.

How much does it cost?

It’s free, because who would pay for this nonsense?

Why are you doing this?

I’m retired and need a creative outlet to prevent the voices inside my head from making me…do things.

When did you start doing this?

Back in 1991, I left New York to pursue a career in advertising and started writing the CrosbyReport because I mistakenly thought my friends back home were interested in what I was doing.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a moron?

Yes.

How do you intend to monetize this operation?

Good question.

Where would a guy go to find a decent sandwich around here?

Quizno’s is pretty good.

I read somewhere that you were writing a book, how’s that going?

It’s coming along.

My iTunes isn’t syncing to my iPhone, can you help?

Sure, here.

Why aren’t you doing more with your life?

Shut up, Mom.

Not the actual cover.

Do you like to travel? Can you read? Then you should buy—and maybe even read—my forthcoming travel advice book.

Why would anyone in their right mind ever do that, you ask? Because after being dragged around most of the planet for the last 30+ years, I’ve finally written a book about my experiences—and it has chapters and everything!

Here are 3 credible-sounding reasons to read it.

  1. It’s informative. Save time, money, and the lives of your loved ones with travel tips no one else has the guts to type.
  2. It’s entertaining. Unlike most travel books, this one will make you laugh inside your mind where no one can judge you.
  3. It’s affordable. I was told $6.99 is the optimum price for an ebook, but mine is easily worth more like $7.29.

In my book, you’ll learn stuff like:

  • Where to vacation when you only speak English
  • What to do on vacation before it gets outlawed forever
  • Where to eat in foreign countries so you don’t die
  • How to afford travel without selling your organs
  • And a whole lot more…

“This is easily the most effort I’ve ever put toward anything, and if people don’t like it, I’ll spiral downward into crushing despair and substance abuse. Enjoy!”

—Peter Crosby, Author

Peter Crosby is an award-winning, professional writer who has won a very real International Writer’s Contest. He currently lives with his wife and her cats in the San Francisco Tampa Bay Area where he drinks wine and watches too much TV.

Read what others have said about the author.

“Whenever I am on an adventure to a third-world Dictatorland® and need a wingman who I can count on to provide caustic banter, wear homeless skate-punk garb, use regional profanity, and drink like an unemployed stevedore, Pete is my main man. If he’s not available, I call his spirit animal, Anthony Bourdain.”
—David Jellison, Idea Pimp

“Crosby has been doggedly writing online about his international travels since the Palm Pilot epoch. The thought of an actual book collecting those writings and preserving them forever fills me with dread.”
—Kevin Zimmerman, Editor/Jackhole

“Peter has visited some incredible places all over the globe, and now brings that wealth of personal experience to his writing, for all I know.”
—Ward Evans, Writer/Director

“Peter Crosby has a face for radio, but a nose for travel.”
—Graham Lee, Chief Creative Officer

“Hands and feet down, the most traveled biped I know in the 48 contiguous states.”
—Terry Doyle, Writer

“Nothing makes me want to leave the country faster than Peter Crosby.”
—Mike Ruiz, Creative Director

Find out when my book drops.

If you’re not persuaded to sign up after reading endorsements from people you probably don’t know and will likely never meet, then there’s nothing more I can do other than threatening your family, and I’m honestly not above that, Janet!

(Just click submit once, then chill—I have a slow server.)