Frequently asked questions, or FAQs, are the bane of every popular online property. They get pestered all the time by people who are constantly making the same basic inquiries. And one day, I hope that those people with ask those same annoying questions about the CrosbyReport, my Occasional Email Newsletter Thing.

In anticipation of that day, I thought I’d nip those oft asked queries in the proverbial bud by writing frequently given answers to those very same frequently asked questions.

The top ten CrosbyReport™ FAQs.

What exactly would I be signing up for?

Every month or so, you’ll get an email that may or may not be about something. Often, it is about nothing.

How much does it cost?

It’s free, because who would pay for this nonsense?

Why are you doing this?

I’m retired and need a creative outlet to prevent the voices inside my head from making me…do things.

When did you start doing this?

Back in 1991, I left New York to pursue a career in advertising and started writing the CrosbyReport because I mistakenly thought my friends back home were interested in what I was doing. They weren’t.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a moron?

Yes.

How do you intend to monetize this operation?

Good question.

Where would a guy go to find a decent sandwich around here?

Quizno’s is pretty good.

I read somewhere that you were writing a book, how’s that going?

It’s coming along.

My iTunes isn’t syncing to my iPhone, can you help?

Sure, here.

Why aren’t you doing more with your life?

Shut up, Mom.