Photos from Portugal.

Belém District: Where Lisbonians go when they want to GTFO of Lisbon.

The Belém District is about as far away as you can go without leaving Lisbon.

Lisbon is the city San Francisco could’ve been if the Internet hadn’t totally effed it up.

Do you long for the old San Francisco? Well, let me tell you about Lisbon, Portugal.

Prague: Where people hate expensive beer almost as much as Communism.

Since throwing off the yolk of authoritarianism, the Czechs have been disinclined to pass restrictive laws so what more reason do you need to go?

Vienna: The birthplace of Sigmund Freud and penis — wait, I mean psychoanalysis!

Compared to all the other cities in Austria that no one has ever heard of (I’m looking at you, Salzburg), Vienna is by far the best.

Budapest: The place to party in the year 2896 (mark your calendar now).

When a nation spends almost its entire GNP on a single soiree, you really want to get on that invitation list.

Munich: Home to high-tech businesses and even higher octane beer.

When you think of Germany, you probably don’t think of Munich. If you’re like most Americans, you just think of Hitler. But guess where he got his start? That’s right, Munich.

Edinburgh, Scotland: A city of culture, arts, science and god&@#^! bagpipes.

Seriously, what the hell were the Scottish thinking when they invented that damn noise-maker?

Reading, England: It’s close to a lot of other, better places to visit.

Not to be confused with Reading, California where I have also been and which is not great, either.