Prague: Where people hate expensive beer almost as much as Communism.

Since throwing off the yolk of authoritarianism, the Czechs have been disinclined to pass restrictive laws so what more reason do you need to go?

Vienna: The birthplace of Sigmund Freud and penis — wait, I mean psychoanalysis!

Compared to all the other cities in Austria that no one has ever heard of (I’m looking at you, Salzburg), Vienna is by far the best.

Budapest: The place to party in the year 2896 (mark your calendar now).

When a nation spends almost its entire GNP on a single soiree, you really want to get on that invitation list.

Munich: Home to high-tech businesses and even higher octane beer.

When you think of Germany, you probably don’t think of Munich. If you’re like most Americans, you just think of Hitler. But guess where he got his start? That’s right, Munich.

Edinburgh, Scotland: A city of culture, arts, science and god&@#^! bagpipes.

Seriously, what the hell were the Scottish thinking when they invented that damn noise-maker?

Reading, England: It’s close to a lot of other, better places to visit.

Not to be confused with Reading, California where I have also been and which is not great, either.

Santorini is so stunningly beautiful, it makes Crete look like garbage.

After showing us Athens, our friends took us to Santorini and Crete just to watch our heads explode.

Athens, Greece: The birthplace of democracy, drama, and doric columns.

After art college, I really wanted to visit Athens, so I was psyched when friends invited us to visit their relatives in Greece.

London, England: London calling. (Collect, most likely.)

Despite being of English descent, I’d never visited the Motherland before. And, as it turned out, with good reason.