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The choices you make in life hardly ever turn out the way you expect, dammit.

The greatest thing that almost never happened to your mouth.

For more than a thousand years, humans overlooked one of the world’s greatest pleasures for your pie-hole.

I’m finally in a place where I can now talk honestly about the whole experience.

We were warned about this. By Kevin Costner, of all people.

Was I becoming a mindless cog in the ruling establishment’s New World Order?

Below my lawn’s yellowing surface grass—unbeknownst to me—certain death was waiting.

Writing this newsletter is a thankless and unnecessary job, but if I don’t do it, who will?

Who gets my email newsletter and who doesn’t? Only the subatomic realm knows for sure.

I spend most of my waking hours staring out my window at “Craig,” a horny brown anole lizard.