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Tag: crosbyreport

Peter Crosby, author of the CrosbyReport blog.

The CrosbyReport blog is a sly SEO trick intended to “cast a wider net,” attracting more web traffic and increasing the number of subscribers to my email newsletter. My blog also provides an opportunity to write about topics that don’t really fit comfortably under the umbrella of a travel-oriented website—everything from technology to finance. Yeah, theme-wise, the CrosbyReport blog is kinda all over the board. Enjoy!

Frequently asked questions, or FAQs, are the bane of every popular online property. They get pestered all the time by people who are constantly making the same basic inquiries. And one day, I hope that those people with ask those same annoying questions about the CrosbyReport, my Occasional Email Newsletter Thing. In anticipation of that day, I thought I’d nip those oft asked queries in the proverbial bud by writing frequently given answers to those very same frequently asked questions.

The top ten CrosbyReport™ FAQs.

What exactly would I be signing up for?

Every month or so, you’ll get an email that may or may not be about something. Often, it is about nothing.

How much does it cost?

It’s free, because who would pay for this nonsense?

Why are you doing this?

I’m retired and need a creative outlet to prevent the voices inside my head from making me…do things.

When did you start doing this?

Back in 1991, I left New York to pursue a career in advertising and started writing the CrosbyReport because I mistakenly thought my friends back home were interested in what I was doing.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a moron?

Yes.

How do you intend to monetize this operation?

Good question.

Where would a guy go to find a decent sandwich around here?

Quizno’s is pretty good.

I read somewhere that you were writing a book, how’s that going?

It’s coming along.

My iTunes isn’t syncing to my iPhone, can you help?

Sure, here.

Why aren’t you doing more with your life?

Shut up, Mom.

Well, I certainly hope so. Because it’s going to take me years of therapy—the expensive kind—to get over such a devastating blow to my self-esteem.

Sure, I may come off as “together” or “well-adjusted,” but this kind of rejection cuts deeply because I was never really wanted as a child. While my parents would never admit that I was a mistake, I could tell they never wanted a blogger in the family.

Hey, can I ask you one last favor?

tears on face of crop anonymous woman
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Before you send me spiraling into clinical depression, lemme just ask why did you wanna unsubscribe?

  • Did I send too many emails? I mean, LinkedIn® sends way more emails and they’re not funny unless they suggest jobs at Chuck E. Cheese’s or Microsoft.
  • Was my content not relevant? Honestly, I’m surprised. How could you not care about where I’ve been, what I’m doing, what I think, and what I —oh, okay…I see it now.
  • Was my content offensive? I’m truly sorry, but that’s not exactly “off-brand” for me. It’s a birth defect.

Okay, it’s done. You’ve successfully unsubscribed from The CrosbyReport™ mailing list. Yeah, you’re good to go now. I won’t send you any more emails. Nope. We’re all done here.

But I have to say, this is a bit unexpected and, frankly, a little upsetting. I mean, basically what you’re saying is not just that you don’t want to read my writing anymore — that’s fine, I get that — but that you don’t even want to know that it exists. Ouch.

That’s pretty harsh.

No, no, I’ll get over it. You know, in time. It’s okay, I’m an adult.

Feeling guilty yet? Re-subscribe!

I’ll even take back all the terrible things I was going to say about you.

Hate email? Follow me on social media instead!

Tired of newsletters that inform or enlighten you? Try the CrosbyReport.

The CrosbyReport will only distract you from the unrelenting misery that is your life.

SUBSCRIBE NOW »

What you’ll read about in the CrosbyReport™ newsletter:

CrosbyReport travel humor
Lizards are cool
The CrosbyReport is all over the board
fake star rating

Testimonies from actual CrosbyReport™ subscribers.

“LMAO!” — Michelle H.
“Thanks for the laughs.” — Anonymous
“Brilliant, my friend. Brilliant!” — Wayne B.
“The PJ O’Rourke of travel.” — William S.
“This is the content I needed today.” — Prescott M.
“There’s a typo in paragraph two.” — Daniel A.

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Your entertainment is all but guaranteed.*

Hey, if you don’t find my free email newsletter at least mildly amusing, let me know on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, and I’ll sulk around for days, maybe longer—that’s my solemn promise to you.

*Guarantee not valid anywhere capable of supporting human life or lawyers.

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Subscribe now—it’s FREE because who’d pay for this nonsense?

What are you looking at? Why are you reading this tiny type? Did you think there was some legal tomfoolery going on down here? Did you think that, if you signed up for the CrosbyReport newsletter, I was going to sell your email address to Russian spammers or, worse, the Girl Scouts®? No worries, the CrosbyReport newsletter has ethics, morals, and— Hold up, did you think I was going to trick you into buying an extended auto warranty? Wow…that’s really hurtful. You have some real trust issues, my friend, and I’m very worried about you.