Thinking for yourself is overrated according to my new mind-control chip.

Having recently received my second dose of Donald Trump’s “beautiful” COVID-19 vaccine, I felt it was time to reassess my situation after all the changes that I’ve been through over the past year. But mostly, I wanted to see if I still had free will or if I was becoming just another mindless cog in the ruling establishment’s New World Order.

Come on, how bad would a totalitarian world government really be?

If you believe everything you read on the Internet—and I certainly do—you know that mandating masks and vaccinations are all part of the globalists’ agenda to enact “mass social control” and quell protests once we’re all forced to toil endlessly in the unobtainium mines. But you won’t have to worry about “finding your life’s purpose,” so that’s a relief, right?

Put yourself in their shoes—controlling 8 billion people is a logistical nightmare.

Historically, the job of mass social control was entrusted to the local police who’d mete out excessive beatings to scofflaws and ne’er-do-wells on the street. Once word got around, it only took the occasional head-bashing and murder of innocents to keep immigrants and non-whites…er, I mean, the people in line.

Recently, America’s time-honored “violence-first” approach to civil unrest (and everything else) has fallen victim to #CancelCulture, so Bill Gates and the Global Elites—shockingly not already the name of a Punk/Ska band—have allegedly pivoted to implanting people with Intel® Mind-Control chips (Codename: Blofeld). And those chips will soon be running Microsoft’s all-new Windows® 10 Pro for Global Domination operating syste—UPDATE ERROR -0x80070057 Try again later.

Smaller than a grain of sand, the implant is painless as long as you comply.

Intel® Mind-Control chips (not actual size)

By now, long-time readers should be well aware of my opinions regarding Bill Gates, the convicted monopolist who cheated his way to the top of the Fortune 500. He’s undoubtedly an amoral sociopath and likely Stone-Cutter, but had the world’s 4th richest man actually paid Big Pharma to “chip” me? I went to the beach to find out.

If only Floridians had as many brain cells as they have metal detectors.

Every morning, Florida’s sandy beaches are overrun with old people and their metal detectors trying to find tourists’ lost coins, jewelry, and titanium hip joints. I approached a few of the less medicated-looking guys, and asked if they’d wave their devices up and down my entire body. After some suspicious looks and my assurances that no nudity was involved, one of them finally agreed.

Your body already has silicon and metals in it, what’s a little more?

Fortunately, the guy didn’t find anything unusual other than a tiny spec of metal lodged in my left shoulder right next to the injection site. Could it be a 5G-powered microchip? A slowly growing blood-clot? Or even the silver tooth filling I swallowed in the fifth grade? I don’t really care, because it picks up a cool, alternative radio station.

I wasn’t always a proponent of this definitely not mind-controlling vaccine.

To be honest, I was initially very suspicious of the vaccine when it first came out. But once I got the shots, I’ve changed my mind about it completely. Now, whenever I think about being oppressed by the Illuminati, my left shoulder tingles, my body is flooded with endorphins, and the cloud of suspicion lifts.

Then I can see the vaccine for what it truly is—a harmless injection everyone should get immediately without questioning its purpose or effects.

Vaccine resistance is futile, friend.

So shut down your computer, close your laptop, and turn off your mobile phone—No, wait! Finish reading this post first!—then go get the vaccine. Submit to this global cabal of satanic occultists now, or you won’t be included when they start eating human babies and drinking their blood.

And, to think, I almost went vegan.