My Mini Cooper is in a better place now.

On the plus side, we’ll pay a lot less for Florida car insurance.

Recently, the brake warning light of my came on. And, since stopping is a big part of not crashing, I made an appointment to get them checked. Two hours after dropping it off, the mechanic called and asked, “Are you drinking…?”

The car's long-term prognosis wasn't good.

You could barely read the tuner screen.

The mechanic explained to me that my ABS module needed replacing, and that it would cost around $5,000 to fix. Or about one-half the price of my ultimate dream , the 2016 Smart Fortwo Electric Drive. (Yeah, good luck finding a parking spot for your Ford F-250, pal.)

With its leaking head gasket, burned out display, and jammed sunroof, the Mini was worth maybe $1,500, at . Worse, it had the 2010 implementation of Bluetooth® where I could make phone calls, but I couldn't stream —historians considered it a second Dark Ages.

If you love a busted Mini Cooper, set it free.

They came and took my baby away.

After a few hours of sobbing and wailing to the gods, “WHY, BMW, WHYYYYYY…?!?!” I finally accepted my car's fate and donated it to Habitat for Humanity.

I had briefly considered donating the vehicle to Kars4kids, but then I remembered their annoying jingle and thought, f#ck that noise—I would sooner donate money to the Baby Seal Clubbing Project.

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