If you’re like most people who consider January 1st the start of the new calendar year, then you’ve recently decided to set some major life goals (again) that you will most likely fail to accomplish (again). But don’t fret, over 60% of people fail to keep their New Year’s resolutions, mostly because they choose the wrong ones.
What are the right New Year’s resolutions?
Look, friend, anyone can get in shape, quit drinking, or cut back on cannibalism, so no one will be impressed by those resolutions even if you succeed, which you probably won’t. And, as we all know, impressing friends and family is far more important than “not dying early from unhealthy lifestyle choices.”
So go big or go bonkers in 2023.
Sure, a qualified professional might tell you to “start with small, achievable goals,” but I say you should set huge, impossible goals that even the world’s best and brightest couldn’t accomplish. That way, people will be impressed that you even tried.
Plus, it’s a lot easier to keep big New Year’s resolutions when you can still eat and drink as much you want. Additionally, you won’t feel so bad after you fail miserably because you won’t be starving or sober, too.
“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”
You know who said that quote? Freakin’ Michelangelo. Yeah, that Michelangelo—the most accomplished artist of the 1500s. And he never wasted time trying to better himself—hell, the guy barely bathed. So take his sage advice and aim high with your goals for 2023.
Examples of better New Year’s resolutions:
- Discover the lost city of Atlantis
- Invent room temperature super-conductivity
- Solve the Middle East crisis
- Develop a workable theory of gravity
- Set your microwave clock to the correct time
Get the idea? Great, now go out there and fail spectacularly at something insanely unachievable. Come next December 31st, you probably won’t be in any better health, but at least, you’ll be in better company.
Excelsior!
