Ever since we got married, my wife has frequently laid awake at night, staring at the ceiling, mulling over the legal consequences of mariticide. Fortunately, we recently stumbled upon a potential remedy for my snoring that just might take “murdering me in my sleep” off the table.
I got my Ear, Nose, and Throat checked.
I’ve never broken a bone before. Now, that’s not a flex on anyone with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, it’s just a fact. Or so I thought. Two seconds into my ENT appointment, the doctor informed me that, not only had I absolutely broken my nose (likely, as an infant), but that my nasal passages were, in medical terms, “a real shitshow up in there.”
I got my skewed septum straightened.
The surgery was pretty painless, so I sold my unused Percocet® to a local drug dealer for enough money to cover my insurance deductible. Later, after the bloody cotton, blackened scabs, and dried snot were vacuumed out of my nostrils, I could breathe a lot better. More importantly, I snore a lot less, my wife is a lot less annoyed, and I no longer fear suffocation by pillow.
Due to my snoring, anyway.
PSA: If your marriage is on the verge of murder, there’s probably an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor near you.