How I got lots of new subscribers (no seriously, I’m asking).

New subscribers chart

Recently, for reasons I can’t entirely figure out, my travel report on Belize blew up. The traffic surge resulted in a number of new CrosbyReport™ subscribers, so I’d like to give them a shout-out.

Welcome new subscribers, and thanks for joining my mailing list.

Truly, I am honored that you’d give me your email address, even though it’s probably the shitty one you give to potential spammers. I even appreciate the guy who added “crosbyreport” to his email address, so he’d know if I sold his info to the Russians, or worse, GEICO—I feel you, my paranoid friend.

I couldn’t be more thrilled to have new subscribers onboard.

Though I already have a fair number of existing subscribers, I’m really excited about you new subscribers. Why? Because you people read my writing and signed up anyway. New subscribers like you—that is, people who actually like my work—are critically important and yet, disappointingly rare.

I value all of my subscribers, old and new, regardless of their reasons for joining.

Most of my existing subscribers only signed up because they’re either friends and coworkers, or because I blackmailed them into it—they’re not real fans of my work, they’re just very sloppy criminals. In fact, most of them are only sticking around out of a sense of obligation or the fear that I might mail their compromising photos to law enforcement.

Thanks to you, this isn’t an utter waste of time.

By joining my mailing list, you’ve validated my efforts and, in a way, my entire existence. Without your interest and encouragement, I’d just be a sad, lost soul, wandering the streets late at night, spying on my remaining friends and coworkers. Instead, you’ve given my work purpose, my life meaning, and my website the traffic I need to monetize it.

For that, I genuinely thank you.