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Peter Crosby, internationally unknown humorist.

Peter Crosby is a man of diverse skills and confusing interests. Not only is he an internationally unknown travel humorist, he’s also a creative marketing consultant, landscape photographer, computer nerd, half-assed editorial cartoonist, middling trumpeter, pseudo-super-taster, and budget oenophile. When he’s not pursuing any of those activities, Crosby busies himself by drinking cheap box wine and staring blankly into the TV set, wondering where all the years have gone.

The early years of Peter Crosby.

I collected comic books as a kid. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

Born fifth, the youngest son of a typical suburban family, Peter Crosby spent his early childhood like many American kids — reading comic books and watching network television sitcoms.

This intellectually bankrupt upbringing led to social dysfunction and a lack of achievement, despite being constantly reminded of his “above-average intelligence” by motivation-killing teachers (“Peter’s obviously bright, he just doesn’t apply himself to our pointless exercises and tedious busy-work”).

Peter Crosby’s anemic academic record was a testament to both his boredom with traditional education methodology and his sugary cereal-fueled hyperactivity.

Peter Crosby takes full responsibility for everything about him that can’t be reasonably blamed on his parents.

Crosby’s early signs of success.

This bank is, perhaps, my proudest achievement in life. Is that sad?

Luckily, there were some bright spots during his school years. In the sixth grade, Peter Crosby drew the best Snoopy® in his elementary school and subsequently won a ceramic Linus® piggy bank (now a priceless collector’s item).

After decades spent unsuccessfully attempting to surpass that achievement, Peter gave up trying to do anything meaningful with his life and went into advertising. Because that’s what people do when they have no other marketable skills.

The end of innocence.

Peter Crosby was once an advertising copywriter.
Not an actual advertising award, though it should be.

As an advertising professional for 30+ years, Crosby has exceeded the legal limit of success for a person of his highly questionable talent and/or skills.

It’s why he lives in constant fear that his beautiful spouse and worldly possessions will be repossessed at any moment by a Washington bureaucrat and his gloating High School guidance counselor. (“See? I told you that you’d never amount to anything, Mr. Crosby!”)

The confusing interests of Peter Crosby.

As for Peter’s personal interests, he includes among them watching any British Comedy or Matt Groening TV show, whining about petty annoyances online, and using several computers to express his writing, music, and digital penchants, as well as to alienate his aforementioned beautiful wife.

For fun, Peter Crosby likes to travel with said spouse and write long-winded articles about his trips, primarily for his own golden-year recollections, but also for the vast sea of bored English-reading citizens in the world who should seriously think about getting outside more.

Want to know more about Peter Crosby?

Too bad. Damn, you’re nosy.

Want to email me? This is where you do it.

I get pestered all the time by people frequently asking the same basic questions about the CrosbyReport, my Occasional Email Newsletter Thing. So I thought I’d nip those oft asked queries in the proverbial bud by writing frequently given answers to those very same frequently asked questions.


The top ten CrosbyReport™ FAQs.

What exactly would I be signing up for?

Every month or so, you’ll get an email that may or may not be about something. Often, it is about nothing.

How much does it cost?

It’s free, because who would pay for this nonsense?

Why are you doing this?

I’m retired and need a creative outlet to prevent the voices inside my head from making me…do things.

When did you start doing this?

Back in 1991, I left New York to pursue a career in advertising and started writing the CrosbyReport because I mistakenly thought my friends back home were interested in what I was doing.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a moron?

Yes.

How do you intend to monetize this operation?

Good question.

Where would a guy go to find a decent sandwich around here?

Quizno’s is pretty good.

I read somewhere that you were writing a book, how’s that going?

It’s coming along.

My iTunes isn’t syncing to my iPhone, can you help?

Sure, here.

Why aren’t you doing more with your life?

Shut up, Mom.

Have you recently inherited a large family fortune from a relative you barely knew? Do you get paid an obscene salary to do a quasi-legal job within a faceless corporation? Or have you embezzled millions from your city’s pension fund? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, I have good news for you. And here it is.

CrosbyReport Premium is a new membership level for readers with more money than sense.

As a clearly superior human being in every respect, you have different needs and expectations than the typical plebeians and freeloaders who normally frequent this site. I know that wealthy people like yourself resent being treated like just any other peon instead of the elite patron of the arts that you are. For you, Mr. and/or Mrs. Moneybags, I’ve created CrosbyReport Premium.

What exactly is CrosbyReport Premium?

It’s an upscale membership level for my more discriminating readers. It’s also an innovative new monetization model that, if successful, will allow me to quit my day job, freeing me up to pursue my true passions: drinking wine while watching TV sitcoms.

In layman’s terms, here’s how CrosbyReport Premium works:

  1. You subscribe at my premium level
  2. I make a lot more money

It’s what’s called a “win-win” proposition assuming I understand that concept correctly, and it’s entirely possible that I don’t.

Get exclusive benefits no other site will match, no matter how much you pay.

Why would you even want Premium Membership? First and foremost, you’ll get a bunch of one-of-a-kind, member-only perks including, but not limited to:

  1. A rush of endorphins from helping me out
  2. Free high-fives if we ever meet on the street
  3. Three shout-outs on my Twitter feed
  4. My undying gratitude (for up to 2 years)
  5. A free copy of my upcoming travel book

That’s a compelling package, right? Now, you might be assuming that this level of inclusion and engagement would be priced far out of reach for commoners, that you’d need to empty your child’s college fund, or sell your body parts to afford it. Well, you may be pleasantly surprised (depending on your tax bracket).

My most expensive option has never been more affordable.

Flaunt your wealth by blowing $499 on this sham.*

LIMITED TIME OFFER: Save 10% when you enable automatic renewals into perpetuity by entering the promo code “SUCKER” at checkout.

The entire CrosbyReport Premium Experience—with all its many exclusive bells and whistles—costs just US$499 a year! You read that right. The whole upscale illusion, the endorphins, the high-five and shout-outs—all of it for only $499 a year. That’s less than $42 a month, or about $1.50 a day. Clearly, it’s an amazing deal for the above-mentioned extras, and one you won’t find anywhere else (go ahead and look), so subscribe now.

*No relation to the ShamWow® family of fine cloth products.

Disclosure of Affiliates, Ads, and Material Connection

Have you ever run a website? It’s not cheap. That’s why I participate in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program that lets me earn money by linking to products on Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Throughout this site, I occasionally include these affiliate or referral links. If you click on the link and then purchase the item or service, I get a tiny commission from Amazon–at no extra cost to you. I link to products or services I personally like, and affiliate links will always be disclosed in the post. This program helps me offset the costs of maintaining and running this site.

Copyright Information

Blog Posts: I create original blog posts using my own photographs. Feel free to share selected quotes, but please link back to my post or site because that’s the cool thing to do. Don’t republish an entire post elsewhere (as it will only hurt your Google page ranking and disappoint me).

Photographs: I own the copyright to all photographs appearing on this blog, unless otherwise stated. Photographs are the original work of me, the photographer, and are protected under a Creative Commons license. Please do not use photographs in any way, online or in print, unless you follow the license terms: You can copy and redistribute TCR material in any medium or format as long as you give appropriate credit (and link back to this site), provide a link to the license, and indicate if changes were made. You may do so in any reasonable manner, but not in any way that suggests I endorse you or your use. You may not use my material for commercial purposes. If you remix, transform, or build upon my material, you may NOT distribute the modified material (FYI, my brother is a lawyer).

Privacy Policy: Details of my privacy policy can be found here.

Hey, I consider the privacy of my visitors extremely important (search this site for “privacy” blog posts). And this page describes the types of personal information that are collected and recorded on the CrosbyReport. If you need any more information or have any questions about this privacy policy, please feel free to contact me.

Information Collection, Use, and Sharing

While using The CrosbyReport (aka, TCR), you will (hopefully) provide me with certain information that will be used to contact, identify, or send you hilarious emails (very occasionally, at best). This information includes any of the following: first name, last name, and email address. I do not sell, trade, rent, or otherwise share your personal information with third parties without your consent.

Log Files and Analytics

Through the use of WordPress (an open-source content management system), I have access to the site’s log files. These files record visitors’ info and actions around the site – including internet protocol (IP) addresses, browser type, Internet Service Provider (ISP), date/time stamp, referring/exit pages, and possibly the number of clicks. I use this information (less frequently than I probably should) to analyze trends, administer the site, track movement around the site, and gather demographic information, none of which is linked to any personally identifiable information.

Cookies and Web Beacons

TCR uses cookies to store information about visitors’ preferences, and to personalize or customize the web page content based upon visitors’ browser type or other information that the visitor sends via their browser.

DoubleClick DART Cookie

Google, as a third-party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads on TCR. Google’s use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to my site’s visitors based upon their visit to TCR and other sites on the Internet. Users may opt-out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy page.

Advertising Partners

Some TCR partners may use cookies and web beacons on this site. Advertising partners may include:

While each of these advertising partners has their own Privacy Policy for their site, an updated and hyperlinked list is maintained here. Consult this listing to find the privacy policy for each advertising partner.

Third-party advertising servers, (aka, ad networks) use technology in their respective advertisements and links that automatically receive your IP address. Other technologies (such as cookies, JavaScript, or Web Beacons) may also be used by third-party ad networks to measure the effectiveness of their advertising campaigns and/or to personalize the advertising content that you see on the site. TCR has no access to or control over these cookies that are used by third-party advertisers.

Third Party Privacy Policies

TCR contains links to outside websites, but TCR does not take responsibility for the content or privacy policies of those websites. You should consult the respective privacy policies of these third-party ad servers for more detailed information on their practices as well as for instructions about how to opt-out of certain practices. TCR’s privacy policy does not apply to, and I cannot control the activities of, such other advertisers or websites. If you wish to disable cookies, you may do so through your individual browser options.

Children’s Information

TCR does not knowingly collect any personally identifiable information from children under the age of 13. If a parent or guardian believes that TCR has in its database the personally-identifiable information of a child under the age of 13, please contact me immediately and I will promptly try to remove such information from my records.

Consent

By using this website, you hereby consent to my privacy policy and agree to its terms.

Update

This Privacy Policy is subject to change and was last updated: February 2021.

Should I update, amend or make any changes to my privacy policy, those changes will be posted here.

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