Destinations

Last flight out of Marrakech.

Lisbon, Portugal In March of 2020, while we were working our way through Portugal and Morocco, a global pandemic was working its way through China, Korea, Europe, and ...
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Want to take the “Marrakesh Express” to Marrakesh Morocco? What are you, high?

Goddamn hippies. Our final stop in Africa was the storied city of Marrakesh Morocco, long known as the inspiration for Crosby, Stills and Nash’s 1969 hit song, “Marrakesh ...
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Morocco’s Atlas Mountains aren’t the world’s tallest, but at least they’re not more desert.

Look at that crazy mountain shit, bro. On a continent where deserts like the Kalahar, Namib, and Sahara routinely scorch roughly one-fourth of its total land, Africa’s Atlas ...
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The Sahara Desert is hot, dry, and sandy AF.

Of all the inhospitable and unwelcoming places to live on Earth, few are more hostile to human existence than the Sahara Desert. Cleveland, obviously, yes, of course, but ...
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Chefchaouen Morocco is called the “Blue City” because people have eyes.

Chefchaouen is blue. After flying from Porto Portugal to Tangier Morocco, we were driven 70 miles south to Chefchaouen Morocco (pronounced Shaf-shāwan). The hour-and-a-half trip flew by as ...
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Tangier, Morocco is close to Europe, but don’t hold that against the place.

The international port city of Tangier, Morocco lies a mere nine miles from Spain’s southern border, just across the Strait of Gibraltar. It’s basically the front door to ...
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The Douro Valley is Portugal’s less snooty version of Napa.

The beautifully twisting Douro Valley. Drive an hour and a half due-east from Porto and you’ll come upon the Douro Valley, Portugal’s world-famous wine region and answer to ...
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No city crams in more Europe per square inch than Porto, Portugal.

The Porto Train Station, circa 2020 (or 1320 for all I know). Before boarding the #125 Alfa Pendular high-speed train, I’d never even heard of Porto, Portugal. Yet ...
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Belém District: Where Lisbonians go when they want to GTFO of Lisbon.

One of the many gardens in front of the Jerónimos Monastery. When the hustle and bustle of Lisbon’s city center gets too much for people, the locals pack ...
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Lisbon is the city San Francisco could’ve been if the Internet hadn’t totally effed it up.

A view of San Francisco’s Coit Tower, the Bay Bridge, TransAmerica building, and some kids shooting hoops. When I moved to San Francisco in 1997, the Fog City ...
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Steep Ravine, CA: Tired of hotels with electricity, heat, and indoor plumbing?

Are you getting soft? Is your life too cushy and comfortable? Do you long for the lifestyle that your forefathers worked their entire lives to escape? Do you ...
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What to do in Ithaca New York other than getting drunk, stoned, or a college degree.

That's Cornell in the background. Ithaca New York is home to both the 5th-best Ivy League university, and a more liberal arts-oriented college for slackers. So it somehow ...
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Why you should visit Australia in spite of all the things that could kill you.

Australia has a certain prehistoric savagery that adds excitement to everything you do and everywhere you go. Even just getting coffee can be a death-defying act of stupidity ...
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3 sights in Oaxaca Mexico that almost make up for it not being on a beach.

The Oaxaca Valley(s), no beach in sight. Before moving to California, I had never even heard of Oaxaca, Mexico. And, what I had heard about the place didn’t ...
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Belize: It’s like a giant saltwater aquarium that isn’t all full of fish poop.

People don’t come to Belize to get lentigo malign on its beaches — frankly, they’re not the white sandy kind you find around the Hawaiian, Caribbean, or Galápagos Islands ...
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Guerneville, CA: Get away from everything (including cell coverage).

Not every vacation destination we choose is some exotic location in a far-flung corner of the globe. Sometimes, we’re just too lazy to make proper travel plans and, ...
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Africa

Last flight out of Marrakech.

Lisbon, Portugal In March of 2020, while we were working our way through Portugal and Morocco, a global pandemic was working its way through China, Korea, Europe, and even the United States. The coronavirus—or “COVID-19” as everyone calls it except ...
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Want to take the “Marrakesh Express” to Marrakesh Morocco? What are you, high?

Goddamn hippies. Our final stop in Africa was the storied city of Marrakesh Morocco, long known as the inspiration for Crosby, Stills and Nash’s 1969 hit song, “Marrakesh Express.” The tune chronicles Graham Nash’s last-ditch attempt to save his flagging ...
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Morocco’s Atlas Mountains aren’t the world’s tallest, but at least they’re not more desert.

Look at that crazy mountain shit, bro. On a continent where deserts like the Kalahar, Namib, and Sahara routinely scorch roughly one-fourth of its total land, Africa’s Atlas Mountains —with their higher altitudes and cooler temperatures—are a welcome respite from ...
Read More

The Sahara Desert is hot, dry, and sandy AF.

Of all the inhospitable and unwelcoming places to live on Earth, few are more hostile to human existence than the Sahara Desert. Cleveland, obviously, yes, of course, but that’s because perpetually disappointed and drunk Browns’ fans are allowed to freely ...
Read More

Chefchaouen Morocco is called the “Blue City” because people have eyes.

Chefchaouen is blue. After flying from Porto Portugal to Tangier Morocco, we were driven 70 miles south to Chefchaouen Morocco (pronounced Shaf-shāwan). The hour-and-a-half trip flew by as we peppered our driver, Hamid, with a barrage of questions about Morocco’s ...
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Tangier, Morocco is close to Europe, but don’t hold that against the place.

The international port city of Tangier, Morocco lies a mere nine miles from Spain’s southern border, just across the Strait of Gibraltar. It’s basically the front door to Africa and has long been the shortest and most direct route for ...
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Egypt, Africa: The world’s most ancient civilization (and it has the dust to prove it).

Despite what the media proclaimed, Wael Ghonim (the marketing guy from Google) didn’t start the February 2011 revolution in Egypt. The “Arab Spring” wasn’t started by Twitter, either. Or by Facebook. No, it was started by something bad. Something so ...
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South America

Belize: It’s like a giant saltwater aquarium that isn’t all full of fish poop.

People don’t come to Belize to get lentigo malign on its beaches — frankly, they’re not the white sandy kind you find around the Hawaiian, Caribbean, or Galápagos Islands. Instead, people come for what those islands don’t have: an epic, ocean-taming ...
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Quito, Ecuador: The world’s second-highest capital city (and not because they legalized drugs).

Though Quito, Ecuador was merely the second-highest capital city, and only the second capital of the Inca Empire, it still is first in “cities surrounded on all sides by volcanoes.” Quito, Ecuador is located in the Andes Mountains. El Panecillo ...
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Urubamba Valley, Peru

Urubamba Valley, Peru: aka “Yucay Valley,” aka “Sacred Valley,” aka “Holy Crap! Valley.”

The Sacred Valley and Urubamba River Many adventure-seeking morons choose to spend five whole days hiking the infamous “Inca Trail,” but that’s just mental when you consider that you can take a perfectly civilized PeruRail train the entire way from ...
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Cusco, Peru: Not everyone who lives in the Andes Mountains crashed their airplane.

At 4,300 miles long, the Andes is the world’s longest continental mountain range. Running North to South, it cuts directly through the middle third of Peru, separating the county’s interior rain-forest from its coastal desert. The Incas thought the Andes ...
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South America: We visited our fellow Americans below the equator.

A lot of people would consider our two-week, sub-equatorial adventure in South America including Lima, Cusco, the Sacred Valley, and Machu Picchu in Peru, and Quito and the Galápagos Islands in Ecuador, “the trip of a lifetime.” For what it ...
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North America

3 sights in Oaxaca Mexico that almost make up for it not being on a beach.

The Oaxaca Valley(s), no beach in sight. Before moving to California, I had never even heard of Oaxaca, Mexico. And, what I had heard about the place didn’t seem compelling enough to make me want to visit—like ever. Arts all ...
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Guerneville, CA: Get away from everything (including cell coverage).

Not every vacation destination we choose is some exotic location in a far-flung corner of the globe. Sometimes, we’re just too lazy to make proper travel plans and, instead, just look for a decent place within a couple of hours ...
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Santa Cruz, CA

Santa Cruz California: It’s as close as NorCal comes to having a real beach.

If someone kidnapped you, drugged you and dropped you in Santa Cruz California — naked and penniless — it’d be months before you’d look out of place (if ever). Not that Santa Cruz has a drug, homeless or naked person ...
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Clearwater Beach: Where the sand’s as white as the people who go there.

Pure white sand beaches. (It kinda looks like blow.) A quick 20-minutes west of Tampa, Florida lies a full two-and-a-half miles of cocaine-white sand named Clearwater Beach. It’s an easily accessible, tropical paradise that makes everyone who visits forget their ...
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Yosemite California: Nature at its most naturiest.

When the great black and white, nature photographer Ansel Adams first gazed upon Yosemite California, he must have stared dumbfounded at the breath-taking splendor and thought, “We’re gonna need a bigger lens.” (a line that would years later be co-opted ...
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Redding California: It’s close to a lot of other, better places to visit.

Having read that a famous architect had designed an interesting bridge in Reading California, I suggested to my wife that we drive there for our anniversary. Now, my wife generally loves to travel, but the thought of spending five hours ...
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Hawaii, The Big Island: Probably not the Hawaii you’re thinking of.

When we first made plans to visit the Big Island of Hawaii (nee Hawai‘i), we didn't know much about the place, like the fact that you put an upside-down apostrophe between the last two ‘i’s. But we’d been to Honolulu ...
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There’s lots to do in Mazatlán, Mexico and lots of reasons not to do any of it.

We didn’t pick Mazatlán, Mexico as a destination for its deep-sea fishing, sailing or any of the other things you can reportedly do there. We picked it for all the things you don’t do there. Namely, put on pants or ...
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Cancun Mexico: It’s not all beer chugging and wet t-shirt contests (dammit).

We hadn’t originally planned our two-week vacation to Cancun Mexico for its affordability but — when weeks later I found myself unemployed (like the rest of the planet) — it seemed like a prescient choice. In addition to its favorable ...
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San Juan, Puerto Rico: Where so many speak Spanish, you think you’re in California.

Planning a vacation in a foreign land can really be a pain, what with finding lost passports, figuring out currency exchange rates, and overcoming language problems (mostly ours). Frankly, it sometimes makes sense to not even bother. That's how we ...
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Cabo San Lucas: A spectacular paradise we’ll probably never go back to.

Why? Well, if you don’t fish, golf or drink there is literally nothing to do in Cabo San Lucas. And since we rarely golf and almost never fish, drinking was the only option left open to us. Cabo San Lucas ...
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Alaska, the final frontier: These are the voyages of the cruise ship Mercury.

Okay, let’s dispense with the whole “cruise” issue right up front — a lot of snobby, pretentious jerks think cruises are tacky, low-brow experiences exclusively for people who’ve never before seen saltwater up-close. And, being snobby, pretentious jerks ourselves, we ...
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Costanoa California: If you hate camping, you’ll love this place.

It was that time of year again. So we had to think of something to do for our fifth anniversary and, since life had been going along pretty well up until now, we thought “Hey, let’s screw it up by ...
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Vancouver British Columbia: You know, Canada’s good city.

I’ve been to Toronto, I’ve been to Montreal, I’ve been to Quebec, and I’ve liked all of these Canadian cities, except for Montreal which is annoying for the same reason France is (I don't speak French). But I was unprepared ...
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Puerto Vallarta, Mexico: “Donde esta casa de cervezas?”

Amy and I decided to blow five vacation days in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico this year. And weirdly, we flew instead of taking one of the myriad Princess cruises that were no doubt available to us had we looked at all ...
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San Francisco, CA: Thoughts on the West Coast of America.

What can I say about the City by the Bay? It’s very cool, and I mean that literally. After spending the last year and a half in the balmy tropics of Florida, San Francisco weather was a rude awakening. San ...
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Everything you ever wanted to know about Peter Crosby, but really didn’t.

Peter Crosby, Internationally Unknown Travel Humorist
Peter Crosby, Internationally Unknown Humorist

Peter Crosby is a man of diverse skills and confusing interests. Not only is he an internationally unknown humorist, he’s also a creative consultant, landscape photographer, computer nerd, half-assed editorial cartoonist, middling trumpet-player, pseudo-super-taster, and budget oenophile.

The early years of Peter Crosby.

I collected comic books as a kid. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

Born fifth, the youngest son of a typical suburban family, Peter Crosby spent his early childhood like many American kids — reading comic books and watching network television sitcoms.

This intellectually bankrupt upbringing led to social dysfunction and a lack of achievement, despite being constantly reminded of his “above-average intelligence” by motivation-killing teachers (“Peter’s obviously bright, he just doesn’t apply himself to our pointless exercises and tedious busy-work”).

Peter Crosby’s anemic academic record was a testament to both his boredom with traditional education methodology and his sugary cereal-fueled hyperactivity.

Peter Crosby takes full responsibility for everything about him that can’t be reasonably blamed on his parents.

His early signs of success.

This bank is, perhaps, my proudest achievement in life. Is that sad?

Luckily, there were some bright spots during his school years. In the sixth grade, Peter Crosby drew the best Snoopy® in his elementary school and subsequently won a ceramic Linus® piggy bank (now a priceless collector’s item).

After decades spent unsuccessfully attempting to surpass that achievement, Peter gave up trying to do anything meaningful with his life and went into advertising. Because that’s what people do when they have no other marketable skills.

The end of innocence.

Peter Crosby was once an advertising copywriter.
Not an actual advertising award, though it should be.

As an advertising professional for 30+ years, Crosby has exceeded the legal limit of success for a person of his highly questionable talent and/or skills.

It’s why he lives in constant fear that his beautiful spouse and worldly possessions will be repossessed at any moment by a Washington bureaucrat and his gloating High School guidance counselor. (“See? I told you that you’d never amount to anything, Mr. Crosby!”)

The confusing interests of Peter Crosby.

As for Peter’s personal interests, he includes among them watching any British Comedy or Matt Groening TV show, whining about petty annoyances online, and using several computers to express his writing, music, and digital penchants, as well as to alienate his aforementioned beautiful wife.

For fun, Peter Crosby likes to travel with said spouse and write long-winded articles about his trips, primarily for his own golden-year recollections, but also for the vast sea of bored English-reading citizens in the world who should seriously think about getting outside more.

Want to know more about Peter Crosby?

God, you’re nosy.

Oh, hello there.

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