backlit breathing apparatus danger dangerous

Early today, an explosion rocked downtown San Francisco. The blast struck the heart of the San Francisco financial district; namely, the Polo Ralph Lauren store.

Carcinogenic smoke billowed from the burned awning of the upscale clothier, as the SFPD and SFFD converged on the scene like a SWAT team. Evacuations began immediately at Charles Schwab, Banana Republic and the Crocker Galleria.

Pandemonium reigned as people scurried around the area looking for intact outfits or un-charred ensembles that might have been blown from the store’s stockroom. The swanky storefront’s display window—which comprised a WASP-y man (presumably named “Chad”) with a pink cardigan wrapped jauntily around his shoulders playing Croquet with his frigid, passive-aggressive wife in a bland ivory sweater and capri pants—was utterly destroyed.

No official cause of the explosion has been given; police are investigating. [Update: It was caused by a fault in an underground transformer, and not an anti-globalization terrorist cell as widely assumed.]