In what can only be taken as a gross misinterpretation of airline passenger fears, Tatarenko Vladimir Nikolaevich recently invented a way to ostensibly make commercial flight safer for nervous passengers that will only succeed in scaring the crap out of them even more.

This radical new design — mentioned in this article by The Independent — attempts to ease many passengers’ fear of flying by assuring them that, in the event of an emergency, the section they’re strapped into will fully detach and separate at 30,000 feet from the part of the airplane that can actually fly. That’s like assuring someone on a cruise that their cabin will fully detach from the part of the boat that can actually float.

Sure, there are parachutes attached to the cabin but I think most people would agree that not falling at all is preferable to falling 30,000 feet very slowly with no way to control where the cabin will end upNikolaevich notes that the passenger cabin would also hold people’s luggage, so they wouldn’t lose any personal belongings when the free-floating cabin inevitably crashed into mountains, highways, or shopping malls. 

And while 95% of the people he surveyed said they’d be willing to “buy a more expensive ticket in order to use such a safety system,” I’ll bet they didn’t know he was talking about this crazy system.

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