Lunch notes from my permanent roommate

Diet Coke may be massacring my mitochondria

I simply refuse to believe that my daily fix of Diet Coke, a delicious carbonated beverage that tastes like a combination of cola, chemicals and metal shavings, could be unhealthy. But more and more research implies just that.

A list of government offenses Conservatives should really be upset about.

Not that I am a fan of the slow, inexorable erosion of our Constitutionally protected freedoms or Rosie O’Donnell, but I am a fan of calling bullshit, bullshit. And lately, there’s been more bull feces flying around than at a rodeo after a dysentery outbreak. So in that pursuit, I offer Rosie’s list of offenses perpetrated by the Bush Administration that Conservatives didn’t seem to mind:

Google genius solves U.S. energy crisis in spare time, still stumped by ‘girls’

Why does it take Google to do real math and create a policy suggestion for ending our nation’s energy crisis? (Don’t we have government types who are supposed to generate these types of plans?) So while our politicians are scrambling desperately to bail out the sinking financial Titanic they themselves have allowed to side-swipe sub-prime icebergs in recent years, Google has been figuring out how to save the country.

See? I'm not the only one who resents movie theater ads.

Our old buddy Ralph Nader has the same bug up his butt about movies that don't start at the time stated. Forcing ads on captive, paying customers is just one more reason movie theaters need to wise up like ArcLight, or go the way of drive-ins and dodo birds. Until then, give me a hi-def, big-screen LCD with 5.1 surround, my own couch and a few cold beers, any day. No screaming kids, sticky floors or off-center seating. It's the way movies were meant to be seen—in peace.

Dead McMuffin walking: Is this the end of fast-food breakfast sandwiches?

McDonald's should be worried. And not just because of the movie "Food, Inc." No, they should be worried because there's a new device out there that could make a bigger dent in their breakfast traffic than telling people the real, nutritional content of a single Egg McMuffin. An invention so radical, you'll never again have to get up before 10:30am after a Friday night bender.