In a stunning—and very unsettling—turn of events, modern scientists have found evidence supporting the ancient Mayan prediction of an apocalypse in the year 2012. Mayan astronomers supposedly predicted that 2012 would mark the calamitous “birth of a new era”—an era marked by the rise of giant, sentient cockroaches, I'm guessing.
A while back, one of the geniuses at Pacific Gas & Electric tripped over a wire and plunged most of North Beach into the stone age. We were forced to rub PalmPilot's together for heat and forage for arugula. Cappuccino-makers ceased making that whooshy, foam noise. The silence was deafening. The area was paralyzed for hours. White-collar workers stepped out onto the street and rubbed their eyes as if they were seeing the sun for the first time. Many others, stranded without internet connections or cable TV, committed suicide rather than face a bleak and frightening convenience-less world.
(Yes, I can, albeit slowly.) First, I highly recommend that my ad friends read "What's the big idea?," by George Lois. It is a riveting look into the mind of the kind of egotistical bore we are all destined to become. Unfortunately, while his stories are fascinating, the work is miserable and very dated.
Go rent the Mike Judge movie, "Idiocracy," from Netflix, or your local video-store (just not Blockbuster—they probably won't have it since it has anti-establishment themes). It's an insightful look into the future of Mankind (assuming we continue on our present heading into oblivion).
Our old buddy Ralph Nader has the same bug up his butt about movies that don't start at the time stated. Forcing ads on captive, paying customers is just one more reason movie theaters need to wise up like ArcLight, or go the way of drive-ins and dodo birds. Until then, give me a hi-def, big-screen LCD with 5.1 surround, my own couch and a few cold beers, any day. No screaming kids, sticky floors or off-center seating. It's the way movies were meant to be seen—in peace.