What should the U.S. auto industry really worry about? Freaking zombies, man.

Lately, I've been researching and mulling over my next car purchase (in spite of my previous rant about the “Age of Automobiles” coming to a close. Of course, living in Northern California virtually requires me to buy an environmentally friendly mode of transportation—something that either runs on reclaimed french fry grease, wind-power, solar power or pixie dust. But if you go to any auto dealer around here and ask to see a zero-emission vehicle for less than $50,000, they'll stare at you like a dog trying to solve a Rubic's cube. Accidentally, I discovered what may be the best way to get around town: Zombie power.

Before I explain zombie power, I'd like to take a moment to voice my disappointment in the American Auto Industry (once again, and still). The number of vehicles for sale in the US today that get more than 30mph+ is a joke. And there are still only five cars that get over 40mpg (none of which is American)! And yet, GM, Chrysler, et al have the balls to tout 30-mpg as "high mileage" even as they drive themselves into bankruptcy, and cede all future car sales to the Asian car manufacturers. (I see all that obstructionist CAFE lobbying U.S. automakers did is paying off dividends for you guys now, huh?)

Would you be caught dead in this?

So what are my options for a green vehicle? Well, there are the hybrids—Toyota Prius, Honda Insight, Ford Fusion Hybrid, and...yeah, well, that's pretty much it. Yet each is efficient, economical and ugly as sin. Where's the fun in owning one of those cars? Where's the soul? Where's the damn radio on its console computer screen? No, the hybrids are only a stop-gap measure. The future is electric.

Or this?

Now, I can almost hear you saying: But doesn't using electricity just move the emissions problem from the car to the power plants? Yes, it does. And that's good (it's also why hydrogen cars are a complete waste, if not an outright hoax). Certainly, the electricity used in EVs will have to come from somewhere, but it's easier to make a few thousand power plants run clean than it is 250 million automobiles. By using electricity as a common, universal "fuel," how that fuel is created doesn't matter. It can be generated through solar, wind, geothermal, waves, or all of them. And, more importantly, any advances or improvements to electricity generation decreases the cost of running all electric vehicles, not just ones that have the latest technology in them as is the case with Internal Combustion Engines (ICE), today.

Or this?

Unfortunately, all the current electric cars, like the Coda, the Teslas, (and one day hopefully, the damn Chevy Volt) are unbelievably expensive. They cost ~$35,000 including the government rebate! To break even at that cost, you'd have to drive it for...well, forever.

Or WTF is this?

So I continued looking around for an alternative to those alternative vehicles and came across the almost perfect solution: The Zombie EV.

What is a zombie EV? It's an old, dead car that has been brought back to life by converting it to electric. That way, you can still enjoy your formerly gas-guzzling Lincoln Continental “land yacht” without belching toxic hydrocarbons into the lungs of your young children.

There are a number of companies currently doing electric conversions, and hopefully more will come. But thanks to new DIY kits, anyone with an empty garage, thick knuckle skin and no social life can convert their retro car into a retro electric. Just rip out its gas-powered innards and replace with an electric motor and a slew of batteries. So that it's essentially the same car, only with a new, maintenance-free power-train.

Neil is living the eco-dream.

Neil Young is a big advocate of zombie cars, as he recently converted a 3,000lb 1960s-era Lincoln Continental into an electric car. That behemoth beats the heck out of driving a Prius any day.

But the advantages of a Zombie EV are disadvantages to a lot of people, especially Middle Easterners. By running on electricity, Zombie EVs could more quickly help wean the country off Saudi Arabia's oily teet.

ExxonMobil and the like, wouldn't be able to make profits greater than the GDP of 120 countries.

Or this electro-sweetness.

Rather than crushing all the “clunkers” that are cluttering up our nation's highways (and wasting all the energy and materials that went into building them in the first place), EV conversions re-purpose those still perfectly-good car bodies. That way, those cars stay on the road and out of scrapyards.

Plus, since they're electric, Zombie EVs have fewer moving parts to wear out, so maintenance is virtually non-existent (except for those damn pricey batteries). Automobile Dealerships won't be able to overcharge for “speedy” oil changes, over-priced parts, or unnecessary services.

Check out this converted 1969 Mustang

But worst of all for automakers, they’ll also prevent sales of new cars, making GM's emergence from bankruptcy that much harder. So instead of just worrying about the competition coming from overseas, American automakers also have to worry about their own products coming back from the dead .

My advice to them? RUUUNNNN!