Still not bringing a reusable canvas bag with you when you shop at the grocery store? Well, now you don't have to feel like your laziness is helping to destroy Earth (as much). It seems that, while you were out double-bagging your Pop-Tarts and simultaneously threatening Man's prolonged existence on this planet, a high-school kid from Canada was as home sifting through landfill soaked in yeast and tap water to isolate the bacterial genus’ Pseudomonas and Sphingomonas.

These two microbes can decompose a plastic bag in 11,997 fewer months than letting Nature take its own sweet time. The resulting waste is heat, water and a bit of carbon dioxide.

Well done, Daniel Burd.

Entitled, wasteful Americans everywhere salute you.