Ben Stein is dead (to me).

They call it Paintball, or Splatball. I call it just plain stupid. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's this: You drive out into the boonies, dressed like Rambo, then arm up with a compressed air pellet gun that shoots gumball-sized plastic balls with paint in them. Then you split up into teams and play Capture The Flag. The idea being, if you shoot someone with a paintball, it will, upon impact, break and stain his clothes, "killing" him. This is where it gets messy. While your team is trying to go through the woods to their camp and back with flag in tow, they are trying to do likewise. Herein lies the potential for conflict. The opposing team gathers, and right quickly I might add, that if they shoot everyone on your team, it will make their journey all that

Freddie Hubbard dies, leaves jazz world stuck with <shudder> Wynton Marsalis.

Once December 29th, Freddie Hubbard, one of the last great jazz trumpet players, died after a heart attack at age 70. Growing up, I was a huge fan of Freddie. I used to listen to his records and play along (did I mention that I started playing trumpet when I was nine? Cuz I did).

The financial crisis was society’s fault, but I bet it never does any jail time.

Remember when wrong-doing was, well...wrong? Back in the day, people used to feel bad when they did things that everyone else in society agreed were unethical, or just plain creepy. But that all ceased to exist the moment a Hollywood executive invented reality TV. These days, doing wrong no longer results in your immediate and eternal social ostracization, it results in your own television show on E! network.

The lights go out in San Francisco.

A while back, one of the geniuses at Pacific Gas & Electric tripped over a wire and plunged most of North Beach into the stone age. We were forced to rub PalmPilot's together for heat and forage for arugula. Cappuccino-makers ceased making that whooshy, foam noise. The silence was deafening. The area was paralyzed for hours. White-collar workers stepped out onto the street and rubbed their eyes as if they were seeing the sun for the first time. Many others, stranded without internet connections or cable TV, committed suicide rather than face a bleak and frightening convenience-less world.

Merry Xmas, you lazy plagiarists.

A few years back, I was surprised to learn that nearly everything I'd been taught in Bible School about Christmas was, to be blunt, a bunch of lies. Frankly, I’d be surprised if Christian officials were too keen on the actual truth getting out since it makes their religion seem...oh, what's that phrase? Right, “made up.” In actuality, many of the Christmas "traditions" Americans celebrate were co-opted from, of all people, those nutty Pagans. Here's a rundown of Christianity's disappointing lack of originality:

Blog | 03.24.08 | By thecroz

It was bad enough that he supported Bush's black/white view of world politics. And that he supported George W. Bush's handling of Katrina. And that, in hindsight, he finally admitted that the Iraq War was/is a disaster.

But now, Ben Stein, the affable, clueless teacher from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and countless Clear Eyes commercials, has entirely Jumped the Shark.

Mr. Stein is now narrating a "film" promoting "Intelligent Design" under the guise of First Amendment free speech.

He insists that Darwinism is a "quaint theory from the 19th Century," conveniently forgetting that his preferred "theory" originated way back in the Early Medieval Period. (Here's a fan of the scientific method making Ben Stein look like an idiot.)

He also feels that Intelligent Design believers are being persecuted by "the scientific world status quo."

Persecuted by scientists? Really, Ben? Were your Intelligent Design friends burned at the stake as a result of their beliefs, Ben? Did they have to suffer the horrors of the Inquisition? Or face a genocidal Holocaust? Or any of the countless other inhumanities perpetrated in the name of religion? Frankly, I don't think you "believers" get to use the word "persecution," Ben.

A word of advice? Stop hanging out with Bill O'Reilly.

Comments

by Travel Betty | March 24, 2008 - 2:56pm

Ben Stein is dead (to me as well)

This post made my eyes burn. But now that I can't in good conscience use Clear Eyes, I don't know what the fuck to do about it.

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BOOKS

I am America (And so can you!), Stephen Colbert—Sage advice for an ailing nation.
God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, Christopher Hitchens—The case against belief.
The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality, Brian Greene—A mind-bending romp through quantum physics.
Adam's Curse: A Future without Men, Bryan Sykes—It's not MY fault, it's my chromosome's.
1984, George Orwell—Who says no one can predict the future?
Nonzero : The Logic of Human Destiny, Robert Wright—It gives you hope for the future.
The Stranger, Albert Camus—Alienated existentialism at its best.
A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson—Why aren't textbooks this funny?

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